Two small orange brown mushrooms growing on a log

About my services.

  • In working with couples, polycules, and families I consider my client to be the relationships between you rather than any one person carrying the problem. I will ask the group to identify a shared goal (ex. improved communication: fight more kindly) and then ask each of you to identify your own work in getting the group closer to the goal (ex. work on my emotional reactivity: notice when I am dysregulated and learn how to care for myself). When one person in the system changes, the system changes as a whole. My hope is that everyone is able to exist in relationship with more authenticity, joy, and ease.

    Common issues I treat:

    • poor communication

    • desire differences

    • interest in discussing or opening an established relationship

    • loss of attraction

    • identity differences

    • considering break up (see Discernment Counseling section)

    • struggles with in-laws, friend groups, or work relationships

  • When working with individuals I am considering the systems you exist within that impact your understanding of the problem. We will explore your cultural identities and how they influence how you relate to the problem and possible solutions. We will look to reframe social, familial, and personal narratives that may be holding you back while honoring that there is a lot outside of your control (hello white supremacy!) By turning towards what you do have control over, we create more empowerment to effectively fight the -isms and -obias within our world.

    Some issues I commonly treat:

    • anxiety

    • depression

    • sexual dysfunction (see Sex Therapy section)

    • sexual trauma

    • ocd

    • difficulties with neurodivergence including ADHD and Autism (disclaimer I do not diagnose ADHD or Autism but can refer you to folks who do)

    • ptsd and c-ptsd

    • medical trauma

    • difficulty coping with life’s challenges

    • body image and self-esteem

    • internalized -isms and -obias (including misogyny, misogynoir, homophobia, transphobia, transmisogyny, racism, ableism, classism, fatphobia, etc.)

    • exploring identity

  • Sex therapy is fundamentally about our ability to connect with our own bodies and access pleasure. I do sex therapy in both individual and relational settings. I work with folks anywhere along the sexuality and romance spectrums including Ace/Aro folks. I particularly enjoy working with folks who have a different identity from their partner (ex. asexual and allosexual, bisexual and straight, etc.). In our work we will find the pleasure that is available to you, whatever that looks like. My philosophy is that slow is steady and fast could result in people getting hurt. I’ll help you get in touch with your nervous system and learn more about your internal sense of consent with yourself. From there, I can help you learn how to advocate for your own pleasure with another person should you choose to share your sexuality. Ultimately my hope is that you are able to settle into the most vibrant, authentic version of yourself and let go of all of the “shoulds” that exist around sex

    Some common issues I treat:

    • coming to terms with and exploring a new sexual or gender identity (yours or a partner’s)

    • exploring and incorporating kink, BDSM, and power play into your sex life

    • evolving relationship structures (ex. from monogamy to polyamory). Particularly in established relationships when one person is hesitant or resistant to this change

    • reducing/resolving sexual shame

    • difficulty accessing pleasure or sexual imagination

    • sexual trauma and/or dissociation during sex

    • sexual pain

    • erectile disappointment (AKA erectile dysfunction)

    • desire differences (AKA mismatched sex drive)

  • You are likely living with the effects of trauma in your body in a way that has been difficult to digest and release. You may find yourself reliving the trauma with vivid memory or having outsized reactions in moments that confuse and frustrate you. The trauma might not even make sense or have a coherent story. Complex trauma (ongoing repeated abuse or neglect from those who are supposed to love us most like a parent or partner) is such a confusing experience that can create unnecessary self blame. 

    You may have tried standard talk therapy before with limited success. You may have a ton of insight into what happened to you and why and still be stuck in old patterns. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is meant to help you dig deeper than cognitive insights to gain access to what you know “in your bones.” It is even helpful when you don’t know the “what” or “why.” 

    Rather than having a visceral experience of your traumatic memory or a sense that something is fundamentally wrong with you, EMDR can help you hold yourself with more compassion as a survivor with resilience rather than a victim who is doomed to suffer for life. With EMDR I can help you safely reconnect with your body, gain a sense of agency over your past/present/future, and improve self worth and relationships.


    Common issues I treat with EMDR:

    • ptsd, complex trauma, and single event traumas

    • childhood sexual assault

    • sexual violence

    • medical trauma

    • religious trauma and spiritual injury

    • low self-worth/esteem

    • negative beliefs around how disability impacts your lovability

    • obedience to something other than your true self

    • compulsive behaviors that feel out of control

  • Discernment Counseling is like “pre-therapy” for couples and polycules. It is limited duration (up to 5 sessions) and has the purpose of helping clients decide with more confidence to move forward with one of three options:

    1) keep things the way they are

    2) decide to end (or reconfigure) the relationship with more confidence

    3) set down the question of break up to complete one year of intensive couples therapy and then revisit the question

    Once the discernment phase is over, we may explore the possibility of working together whether for couples work or conscious uncoupling work. I am happy to provide referrals to my amazing colleagues when it feels appropriate as determined by either the clients or the therapist. For more information on Discernment Counseling, go to https://innovation.umn.edu/mncouplesonthebrink*

    *I apologize for the monogamous and marriage centered language on this site. Please know I have evolved this theory to better suit my clients and practice

  • Conscious uncoupling or compassionate uncoupling is for folks in long term relationships who wish to end the relationship with kindness and their dignity in tact.

    Some reasons folks are interested this work:

    • they wish to maintain a friendship with their former partner

    • they are required to maintain some sort of relationship whether through co-parenting, shared business obligations, or inability to change housing situations (etc.)

    • they want the end of a relationship to be honored as something special and beautiful, not “a failure”

    • expectations of intense grief at the end of a relationship

    • and more!

More about my theories.

For the nerds

Developmental Model

Developmental model comes from the work at The Couples Institute. It is based on the idea that all relationships (parental, couples, friends, work, etc.) move through predictable developmental stages that need to be complete before moving on to the next stage. This theory emphasizes the impact of differentiation (ability to know and share about myself and the ability to hear about how someone I love may be different from me while reducing sense of threat) on relationship development. Learn more about this theory here: A Developmental Model for Healthy Couples

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is based on the premise that our earliest caretakers helped hardwire our experiences of safety and insecurity and whether and/or how we expect to be soothed when in a state of fear. Your attachment style is not fixed and we can work to create a greater sense of safety by creating secure attachment with self in adulthood. Learn more about the theory here: Attachment-Based Therapy: Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Improving Relationships

Polyvagal Theory

Otherwise known as “the science of safety,” Polyvagal theory is about getting to know your nervous system, it’s triggers and coping tools, and employing both prevention and responsive care to find a deeper sense of control over your emotional body and more overall ease. Learn more about the theory here: What is Polyvagal Theory?

Parts Work

Parts work comes from the theory of Internal Family Systems. While I am not IFS certified, I have found “parts” to be a fit for how clients naturally speak about difficult decisions and moments. It is not uncommon to hear “part of me wants this, part of me wants that.” By allowing both of these parts to have value and speak their truth, we can find a coping tool or solution that provides more ease to the overall system. I help folks gain more alignment with their “Self,” the higher observer that gains information from the more inexperienced but often traumatized “parts.” Learn more about this theory here: Ever felt so stressed you didn’t know what to do next? Try talking to your ‘parts’

Queer Theory

Queer theory is about de-centering cis and hetero identities as “the norm” and breaking down boxes that society puts us in. I use queer theory in an effort to help you better understand your identity with the possibility supportive and flexible labels that don’t limit you to someone else’s definition. Learn more about this theory here: Queer Theory Wikipedia

Disability Justice Frameworks

Disability Justice centers the expectation of difference and seeks to find accommodations “ideal” for the few but benefit the many. Disability is an identity status any of us can enter into at any time and most of us will enter into if we live long and fruitful lives. Incorporating Disability Justice into my work means discussing and accounting for intersectional identities, offering accessibility accommodations like closed captions during session or session recaps, as well as sliding scale payment structures. Learn more about this theory here: Disability Justice Framework

What else informs my therapeutic approach?

My identities

I believe that I cannot set my personhood aside when I enter the treatment room. In fact, I find that some of the most powerful healing happens when you get to see my humanity. I belong to several groups of privilege as well as marginalization. I am white (Irish, Welsh, and a lot of unknown), middle class, and visibly able bodied. I am also queer (bisexual, genderqueer), neurodivergent, and invisibly disabled. There are times when my identities help our work and times when they may set me up for unwanted bias. I do my best to acknowledge where I lack lived knowledge while trying to offer cultural humility in being curious about your experience. I am always up for being challenged in this area and honor that it is not your job to teach me about your communities.

My experiences

I have lived many lives before I became a sex therapist. I was raised in a strict Christian household with a lot of shame around bodies and sex. This was a big motivator in becoming a sex therapist because I wanted to help eradicate unnecessary shame around something so natural. I am a survivor of sexual violence. I have had many opportunities to be uncomfortable in my privilege and have learned how to look towards myself to dismantle systems of oppression I didn’t build but implicitly participate in. I acknowledge this is a work that will always be in progress and that it is important to be attentive to both overt and covert power dynamics. I’m an athlete and a recovering perfectionist. My spirituality is connecting with my body and intentionally turning towards the universe through Tarot.

The Wheel of Consent

The Wheel of Consent comes from the work of Dr. Betty Martin and the book The Art of Giving and Receiving. This work centers around gaining more clarity with your own wants and ability to advocate for them. There is also a healthy dose of how to respect other’s consent boundaries with more ease and alignment. For more about the Wheel of Consent, follow this link: https://www.wheelofconsent.org/wheel

Yoga, mindfulness, & meditation

Oh my, another white femme offering yoga! I know, it has its problematic connotations. One fact that gives me some peace in using yoga in my practice is that yoga is not a “stolen” practice, the originators of yoga intended and worked for the spread of yogic values across the globe. This doesn’t mean yoga has not been co-opted for evil or that is has not been white washed. Like every religious and spiritual practice, there is space to use it for harm, control, and the bolstering of white supremacy. I do not push my spiritual values on my clients and instead invite curiosity of what you already know about your spiritual identity. Prayer (to whatever deities) works an awful lot like meditation! Slowing down to spend time with your living and past ancestors is an act of mindfulness. Spirituality might not be your thing and that is ok too! I will not push you to incorporate spirituality in any way that feels uncomfortable, but would invite you to use your knowledge and tools in this area to find more peace with the inherent uncertainty and chaos of this world.